Gloriously Ordinary Sundays - 15th March 2026
Ciaran is 31 next week. He loves birthdays, and they are really important to him. You can read about his 30th celebrations here, and just re-reading it now has brought a smile to my face.
Thing is, I’ve taken my eye off the ball and over the last couple of days have realised that, while the wonderful northerners in his circle have helped him plan his York/Leeds/Wakefield birthday plans in a couple of weeks, our southern contingent haven’t done so well. Ciaran knew in his head what he had decided was happening, and a few people had texts from him suggesting that a trip to Pizza Express on the day of his birthday might be on the cards, but there was no firm plan. I reached out to the wonderful Katie last night (was a personal assistant …hasn’t been for more than 4 years …now a firm friend) and amazing woman that she is, he now has a firm plan and (mostly) the people he wants there to celebrate with him.
There are two things here for me. Firstly, wrapped up in Test One, is being crystal clear about what is important to someone. Birthdays for Ciaran are HUGELY important, along with just about every other chance to celebrate that he can manage. He is king of the Hallmark holiday and will send cards for Christmas, Easter, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Halloween and any anniversary he might know about. Presents, food (pizza), cake, and people are key components.
My mum was much less interested in that stuff. She was great when we were kids, and there was always a party, but while she appreciated her own birthday being marked, she wasn’t fussed about parties … or about fuss (although we did force one on her for her 90th!).
Barbara (My Mum) at her 90th
The Girl has a difficult relationship with birthdays, as do I. My 60th is fast approaching, and I’m dodging the ‘What are you doing’ questions.
My point is, if you are supporting me, Mum, Ciaran or The Girl, you need to understand how different we are.
The second thing is how important it is for our paid support to know who is in our lives and how those relationships work.
I remember a conversation with a very wise woman who ran a small care and support organisation. She told me that, as Chief Exec, it was really important for her to know the names of all the key people in the lives of anyone who was supported by the organisation, and that was one of the key reasons for not letting the organisation grow too big. I love that she could meet anyone and ask after their mum/dad/great auntie Jacinta.
What me and Katie realised was that we have never helped Ciaran connect his friends and family to his support team in a way that will stand the test of people leaving. Jane, who had been a personal assistant and then his support worker, knew everyone, but she left in January, and that knowledge left with her. His team doesn’t really know everyone who is in Ciaran’s life or understand how everyone fits together. When he sees friends and family, he does this without any paid support, so there are no natural ways for his team to get to know people.
My friend told me this week that she’d been talking to one of her son’s support team, who explained that it was in the diary that someone called Jimmy Benson was coming to visit her son on the 27th March… ‘That’s his brother’, she said! Hmmm.
So Wonderful Katie (that’s her new full name) is now going to work with Ciaran to pull together all the information about the people who like and love him – who they are, important things to know about them, how they fit into his life. They’re going to design something that Ciaran can share with anyone. They are both very creative people, so I imagine that they’ll come up with something pretty cool that he’ll want to share with you in a few weeks.
Charley, Katie and Ciaran
PS. Did you see? The Gloriously Ordinary Sundays Podcast episode 15 is here. I indulge myself a little bit with some nostalgia, going back to the time when my two were at school and reflecting on what great inclusion looked and felt like to us as a family. I'll share some lovely memories of The Girl's experience, and you'll hear Ciaran talking about his own memories. Have a listen, and we'd love to hear what you think!